The Power of Letting Go

I’ve been a planner my entire life. I create goals and ideas and journal until I can’t think of anything else. It’s something I can’t help. My mind is busy and always desiring to know what’s next. What will I do when this is over? It keeps me going, but I’ve realized that there are some things you can’t plan. There are times when you just have to give up control and roll with whatever’s coming.

The past two weeks have been chaotic. Things we tried to plan just haven’t gone as expected. Movers have been more expensive, trucks have been late, things were left behind. It’s been stressful, but it’s life, and it happens. To cope with the constant changes, I’ve decided to just let go.

Let go of the idea that things will always go according to plan. I’ve let go of the concept of things being done “right.” Constantly tracking the shipments and waiting for phone calls that never came was driving me crazy until I stepped back and trusted the process. I thought “there must be a reason it’s happening this way.” So, I put my faith in God and put my energy into applying for jobs (because the working from home thing wasn’t working).

Within a few days, I heard back from a company I’d applied for, and they wanted an interview. The entire process flew by and before I knew it, I was hired. I had to end my contract with my old company and welcome something new. It was unbelievably fast and extremely difficult to explain to the team who had grown accustomed to needing me.

At first, I felt guilty for not giving them two weeks’ notice. Companies have come to expect this courtesy, but it’s not very often that they give us the same consideration. When was the last time a company gave you two weeks to get your life in order before letting you go? It not a thing. They make changes and expect you to just deal with it. Once in a while, it’s nice to give them a little shock. It’s nice to be able to say: I don’t need you as much as you need me.

It’s a freeing experience to be able to say: I’m out of here, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m daring to do something different. This might change your life, but I don’t care because I’m doing it for me.

Letting go of control and surrendering to the unknown made me feel selfish but it also made me happy. It gave me my freedom and who needs control when you have that?


Conquering Fear

As adults, we rarely like to admit that we have fears. In fact, we go to great lengths to prove that we don’t. We come up with a lot of excuses to skirt around our vulnerabilities. Somehow that shows that we’re grown up, and we can handle it all on our own but there comes a time when we can’t fool ourselves anymore.

Recently, I had to confront a fear that I wasn’t even aware that I had—moving. I’ve been living in, loving (and low key hating) New York for the past six years. It was the first place I took a plane to visit, and I distinctly remember hating it. There were rats, garbage, and tourists everywhere. It took forever to do everything, and I said I’d never return again.

But I did, and each time I visited I fell a little more in love with the place. It was loud and obnoxious, but eventually, it became my home. My family never understood it. They swore I’d be back upstate and, for a while, I thought I would too. That was until I got the news that my fiancé’s job was moving him to San Francisco.

At first, I was extremely excited. I’d had enough of the city and was ready for a change. Then, when reality set in and I knew that this was really happening, I started to panic. How could I leave my job and my friends? We’d have no family to run to if things went wrong. There’d be no dinners on the holidays. It was going to cost me over $500 to go home just for a visit.

I thought of everything that could go wrong, and it freaked me out. My head was going crazy, and all I could think was, “run.” I told my fiancé that I wasn’t ready to go and this sent him into crisis mode, but then we spoke about it like adults. He asked me what was wrong and I said, “I’m scared.” I was surprised to find that he was just as scared and that revelation was all I needed to move forward. If this six-foot macho man could be scared and still do it, then so could I.

So our plan is to step into our fears together and right now we’re hoping for the best. A few hiccups have come up along the way, but I feel good knowing I’m challenging myself. I’m not allowing the fear to cripple me. Instead, I’m allowing it to make me stronger.


Hiding Good News

People always talk about how you should express your sorrow. They tell you to take on your struggles. Challenge yourself and let your loved ones know that things are tough. But what if things aren’t tough? What if things are finally going well, but your loved ones aren’t ready to hear it?

Every time something positive comes up in my life, I want to tell my family and friends, but often I feel like I can’t. In the past, I’ve called them to tell them about my engagement, or when I got a new job, and the responses were usually negative. Most people were stunned to silence. Some would ask questions, try to muster a “Congratulations,” but most would end up complaining about their perceived failures. It would turn into their pity party instead of my celebration. My moment became theirs, and I ended up feeling guilty for having any good fortune.

I didn’t understand it. Was I selfish for wanting my family to be happy for me? I know I don’t need their praise, but it’d be nice to have their support. Especially considering I’m very supportive of them and their endeavors. It doesn’t matter what it is, I try to be there physically (if possible) and mentally. I go out of my way to let them know they’re beautiful and wonderful and deserve the best of everything. So why do they not give me the same?

A few days ago, I had a conversation with my mother about this. I wanted to know why one of my siblings never responded when I told him about my upcoming move. She said, “people need time to process it.” I was shocked. Why would people need time to process an achievement of mine? I could understand if I lived in the same city as my family, but I don’t, and I haven’t for over five years.

Now, I’m weighing the pros and cons of telling anyone else because I’m scared of how it might affect them. I’m even more afraid of how their negative responses will affect me. It’s true that everyone has their issues to deal with, but this should never stop you from being truly happy for someone you love. If anything, that moment of support could bring you closer together. Then, when you have great news, you’ll know who you can call to celebrate.

Career, Lifestyle

Jumped Out the Window

I’ve always been a dreamer. As a kid, I would sit around thinking about all the things my life could be. The house I’d live in; The job I’d work at; Where I’d live. These dreams followed me into adulthood and continue to distract me to this day. Frequently, I have to catch myself from falling deeper into my thoughts before someone else catches me.

These dreams come to me effortlessly, but most times I have issues following through with them. They look good in my head, but after a few weeks of obsessing, I’m on to something else. The bigger goals tend to fall to the backburner after I convince myself that they can never happen.

I see other people taking their dreams and making them a reality, and I wonder why I can’t do that. Why can’t I have the better job? Why can’t I have the bigger salary? Why are these things just outside of my reach?

Recently I decided to ask my boss for something I’ve wished I had for years—the permission to work from home. I knew I was moving and would have to quit, but then I thought that it might be cool to keep my job and move. Never in my wildest dreams did I think they’d actually agree to this. It was really just me taking a tiny risk because I knew I was going to be leaving anyway. Part of me just wanted to see what they’d say. The other part knew full well it was impossible.

After the meeting with my boss, I went back to my desk feeling like a fool for bringing this idea up, and I beat myself up about it for a week. Then, on Monday when I came in he said yes. I couldn’t believe it. These people I’d been working with for less than a year trusted me to do my job from another state. I felt bold and incredibly valued. I couldn’t jump up and down how I wanted to, but the joy I felt couldn’t be matched.

They’d listened to my request, considered, and granted it. This got me thinking, how many impossible things could I be doing right now?


28 & Free


We’re only three months into 2017 and many things have already shifted. My thoughts and sense of purpose have changed. There was a point when I felt the need to be special. I had to have something that set me apart from the pack. Otherwise, I felt like a failure. I thought I was too smart to go through life not having a successful business, accomplished husband, big house, etc.

Those things were ways I measured my success. For a long time, I believed working for someone else made me feel like a failure but I’ve realized that isn’t true. Now, I know that you’re only a failure if you aren’t living in your truth. If you don’t love your life or aren’t being yourself, none of it matters.

I’ve stopped buying business clothes because I hate them and I know that a blazer isn’t the only way to look stylish. I’m much more comfortable in sweaters and fitted tops. They compliment my shape more too. At first, I was afraid to go against the grain but my boss didn’t even seem to notice my new look. These outfits that I stressed over every morning didn’t phase her in the least but eliminating them changed my entire day. Now, I go to work comfortable and I feel like myself.

I’ve implemented a lot of these little changes into my life and every day I wake up feeling like me. I’m happy and I realize that’s the true measure of success. I no longer need to have the biggest house or fastest car. My only need is to feel completely nourished from the inside out. I want to be at peace as much as possible and have the tools to get there on days when I’m not.

This 28th year, I’m just being me and whatever I’ve acquired is enough. Whatever I’ve accomplished is enough. So what I don’t have a house yet. Who cares that I haven’t been to Belize. We create these goals and then stress ourselves out when we don’t reach them but we never needed them in the first place. I’m done with that way of living. This year, I’m pacing myself and doing my best. The rest will work itself out.

Merry and Thankful

Merry & Thankful

I just wanted to take this time and thank each of you for following this blog. This year has been incredible. The amount of growth I’ve experienced has been overwhelming at times and I’m thankful for all the support you have shown. Your feedback is what has kept me going even when I didn’t feel up to it.

There have been many days (and weeks) when I lacked inspiration but then I received lovely comments that reminded me that this blog is bigger than me. So I thank you and I know we’ll continue to grow together.

Everyone that’s dealing with anxiety and depression, hold on. Those that are lacking inspiration, meditate. People who are stressed and overwhelmed, take a salt bath. The holidays are always rough for us, but this new year will bring nothing but peace, love, and prosperity. All of our dreams will manifest. We just have to keep going.

Cleaning Out Your Life
Lifestyle, Mind

Cleaning Out Your Life

There are 13 days left in this year and it’s time to tie up loose ends. That means resolving conflicts with family and friends, cleaning our homes, and getting rid of the things that no longer serve us. You want to go into the new year with a clean slate and immediately start working towards your goals. It’s time to start manifesting what you’ve been asking for and you can’t do that with old garbage standing in your way.

Resolving conflicts will allow you to express what’s been bothering you and release that negative energy. It will also help you to hear the other person’s side. Listening to their perspective will tell you things that you need to improve and ultimately this will help you grow.

Cleaning your home will free you of all the energy trapped in the disarray. Dirt and clutter in your home can signify the mess that’s resting in your mind. Scrubbing ovens and walls may be tiring, but it has a way of releasing anger and negativity at the same time.

Getting rid of things is one of my favorite practices. You’d be surprised at how much emotion is tied into the things we buy. Just try to throw away some old, useless stuff and notice how your mind will try to rationalize why you need skates you haven’t worn in 10 years. It’s incredible how attached we become to things. We forget that these were items sitting on a shelf once. They may hold memories, but so do pictures. Take the time to go through your closet and get rid of those clothes that no longer fit our bodies or our lives. You don’t have to throw everything in the trash, though. This is the perfect time to give your good quality items to someone in need.

I know it seems like a tall order, but you will be grateful for the amount of space this frees up in your life. After all that you’ve been through, you need to set yourself up for the greatest push into the new year. Start on the right foot and watch how many rewards will come your way.